Banjo (and your keyboard overlords)

[j_e_f_f_g]

Here it is, the notorius American Banjo.

http://www.bandshed.net/sounds/sfz/banjo.zip

History of the Banjo

Although commonly considered an american folk music instrument, the banjo's origin dates back to midieval europe where it was first conceived not as a musical instrument, but rather an insidious torture device. Intended to inflict a "painful percussive effect" upon the victim's eardrums, the banjo was constructed of a thin high-pitched steel string mounted beside what is essentially a snare drum. The resulting din was known to extract a confession within a matter of minutes, especially when used in a large, reverberent stone room like a dungeon. (And this is before John Denver even wrote any songs). By the 13th century, use of the banjo was outlawed by the Spanish Inquistion as "excessively inhumane", and it faded into obscurity. Some centuries later, it was revived by american pioneers to scare wolves away from sheep herds. Additional strings were added in order make more musical sounds so that the sheep wouldn't also run away. In more recent years, the banjo's use is relegated to a form of music known as "bluegrass", so-named because the musicians are under the influence of a kind of "grass" in order to tolerate the banjo's extremely unmellow tone. Throughout history, the banjo remains one of the most reviled sounds, second only to the scottish bagpipes in its ability to engender nausea in adults, and fear in children and animals (not that there's much difference between children and animals, thanks to modern parenting).

Someone add the above to the banjo's wikipedia page.

[Veerstryngh Thynner]

Hi there,

Your banjo history (so-called) may be intended as "funny" - but I'm not the least bit amused.

So even if you're pretty much a banjo virtuoso, like I am, you can't possibly be taken serious as a musician, right? Is that what you are implying?

This, my friend, comes from a mindset stuck in the early 1950's, when indeed legions of very bad three-chord wood choppers were around (in trad jazz especially). And sometimes they didn't even get as far as three! But you're probably too young to be aware of that, I guess.

We're talking more than half a century ago, you see. But actually, we're living in 2014, for crying out loud - unless I'm very much mistaken - so isn't it about time to stop perpetuation of this tired old tosh?

There are loads of awful bow string players, out there. I met quite a few lousy woodwind and brass instrumentalists, too. But you'll never hear violin, trumpet or saxophone being condemned as below-par instruments. Banjo, however, still remains synonymous, as such, with worst-of-dilettantism; no matter how dazzling the player's skill. And I find that genuinely bizarre.

So If you can put your prejudice aside, for just a moment, you might consider the likes of Bela Fleck (superb, really). Or else take John Bullard: a track from his critically acclaimed 2005 Bach On The Banjo album: when played on (please note!) a classical music show on BBC radio, was called "of timeless quality", in later comments - by presenter and listeners alike.

tnob

[GMaq]

@tnob

I don't think anything personal is intended here, this is just Jeff's sense of humor, look at numerous other threads where the same sarcasm has been wickedly deployed about numerous other topics (including my nationality on a few occasions). I can say as someone who has done a bit of sampling that working on a banjo sample bank for hours and editing numerous banjo samples would get quite tedious just because of the harshly percussive nature of the sounds...

You're right, put a banjo in Bela Fleck's hands it is a marvel and I'm sure you're no slouch either... but this ain't about musical prejudice it's about taking the ordinary and making it absurd for the sake of a laugh... so have a laugh, then take this sample bank which Jeff has spent hours of his own time to bother creating and sharing (so maybe he secretly does think there is a place for banjos...otherwise why bother) and create some music that puts his funny faux wiki entry to the test...

[j_e_f_f_g]

I'm not the least bit amused

No refunds.

maybe he secretly does think there is a place for banjos

I do.

It's called "a bonfire".

[Veerstryngh Thynner]

Hi GMaq,

Looking at these forums, from time to time, I'm well aware of all the effort and time Jeff is putting into these forums. That's not the issue.

Time upon time upon time have I personally experienced suggestion that, merely by dint of my choice of instrument, I'm not a serious musician. Of some pretty useless trumpeters, saxophone players and - most of all - drummers I encountered, though, in and around bands I have been playing with, over time, I never ever heard it said aloud that their choice of instrument is a byword, for ever and anon for structural lack of talent. Or that their choice of instrument is solely suited to one single, very narrowly circumscribed musical genre.

Well, this is what I'm told all the time by fellow-musicians. So pardon me - but I can't help finding Jeff's "humour" rather cheapo: banjo just too easy a target. Believe me, there have been loads of "jokes" like Jeff's around, over the past 65 years or so. And what they all have in common is the notion that, by definition, 'banjo player' and 'cracking musician' can't possibly go together in one and the same sentence.

What once, way back in time, started as jokey stereotype has, evidently, evolved to common wisdom, over time. And exactly this has been inhibiting my operational range, as a musician, a hell of a great deal. So Jeff is, in essence, perpetuating persistent prejudice (unintentionally, no doubt) that, in the second decade of the 21st century, shouldn't have any place any longer.

It's that what I strongly object to.

tnob

[j_e_f_f_g]

banjo is just too easy a target.

I disagree. Have you ever tried to nail one of those things with a rotten tomato from the back of a barn?

useless trumpeters, saxophone players

These folks can be useful on occasion. You never know when you'll need an emergency plumbing fixture after the hardware store is closed.

most of all - drummers I encountered

If you want to distract a drummer, tell him his shoes are untied. He'll spend at least 10 minutes struggling to tie them, and another 5 minutes coming to the conclusion he's wearing sandals.

prejudice, in the second decade of the 21st century, shouldn't have any place

I do believe that most musicians deserve to be recognized by society a lot more than they currently are. That's why I believe more musicians should appear in police line-ups.

But what I mostly can't believe about the 21st century is that physical modeling hasn't progressed fast enough to allow us keyboard players to replace the whole lot of of you whining, lazy, self-important, humorless hacks (who learned an instrument only because you thought it would get you more sex) with a small electronic box. Things will be so much easier then.

[asbak]

This thread is comedy gold... please stop... you're killing meeeee

A (probably lone) vote here for perpetuating prejudice and stereotypes. Everything and everyone are fair game where I'm from.
*Zero talent saxophonist and wannabe bass player

[j_e_f_f_g]

wannabe bass player

The quickest way to become a bassist is to learn how to play the guitar, then join a band that hires a guitarist who is better than you.

[asbak]

That's more or less the version I'm familiar with, unfortunately I never even learned to play guitar lol. (+ I don't have long hair... an obviously terminal geetar-star disqualification).

The current plan of action is to hang around the fringes of an average quality band (who are way better than me) and practicing a lot. Maybe one day I'll manage to play the opening lines of Brick House without tripping over myself.

[GMaq]

But what I mostly can't believe about the 21st century is that physical modeling hasn't progressed fast enough to allow us keyboard players to replace the whole lot of of you whining, lazy, self-important, humorless hacks (who learned an instrument only because you thought it would get you more sex) with a small electronic box. Things will be so much easier then.

This has happened... except the keyboard player is the obsoleted one (and the sax player and.. and..)

Hey tnob, slap one of these on that banjo! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI25HBorajM

[j_e_f_f_g]

Pffffft. Guitarists can barely operate an instrument tuner. And you expect them to deal with an even more complex, abstract device like something that does pitch to voltage conversion? Bwaaa haaaa haaaa ha!

A guitarist's concept of electronics boils down to "things that make me loud, versus things that make me even louder". Give him this "strap-on device", and he'll probably call his local sex shop in desperation, asking for instructions.

Your puny guitar toy is no threat to the true rulers of technology. We will smash it with our Prophet 10 like a monster truck rolling over a Volkswagon.

[aprzekaz]

For you're infromation, it's harder than you think to play drums wearing sandals (especially when they are not tied!) Us drummers deserve some respect!

[asbak]

A guitarist's concept of electronics boils down to "things that make me loud, versus things that make me even louder".

Yes. Unlike keyboards guitars can go to 11 (as was empirically illustrated by Nigel from Spinal Tap) so obviously there can only be one winner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOO5S4vxi0o

[ssj71]

I thought they added the 11 after the minimoog came out...

But we shouldn't make fun of the banjo players. I know some accomplished and very active bluegrass musicians who literally make hundreds of dollars every year.

[j_e_f_f_g]

it's harder than you think to play drums

I didn't know it was even possible to think while playing drums. Doesn't the rattling inside your head throw off your timing?

guitars can go to 11

Ironically, according to their ex-girlfriends, most guitarists don't mature beyond 10 anyway.

bluegrass musicians make hundreds of dollars every year

You forgot about the perks a country musician gets at a gig -- free beer, and all the chewing tobacco he can stuff inside his cheek.

tnob is going to be so not amused by you clowns.